The way you talk to yourself, even just in your thoughts, has a big impact on how you
think and feel in general. The more negative you talk to yourself, the more of a negative
mindset you tend to develop. If you are working on having a healthier, more positive
mindset, you really need to start with the internal conversations you have with yourself.
Don’t Force a Negative Situation Into a Positive One
It is important to start with understanding the difference between a positive mindset and
a toxic positive one. As a human being, you aren’t going to feel good about yourself and
be positive 100 percent of the time, nor do you need to be in order to have a positive
mindset. You just need to be kind, patient, and loving towards yourself.
Make sure when you are working on talking to yourself with love and compassion, you
are not trying to force yourself to be positive in a negative situation. While it is good to
reframe negative thoughts into positive ones when you can, if it feels forced and like
you’re just going through the motions but don’t feel it, then more internal work needs to
Be Grateful For Who You Are and What You Can Do
If you are not yet ready for positive self-talk, just start from a place of gratitude. Even if
you don’t currently love and accept everything about yourself, you can at least focus on
the things you do appreciate. It can be anything from a physical trait you have, to your
humor or personality, special kills, intelligence, really anything you genuinely love about
When you come from a place of gratitude, it helps you to shift your mindset from a
negative one to a positive one. The more you do this, the more you start adding to the
gratitude list, until you begin to talk much kinder to yourself.
Know Your Negative Self-Talk Triggers
You probably have some triggers that tend to cause the spiral of negative thought
patterns in your mind. These patterns can start from something as small and simple as
seeing someone else with something you want, or noticing a single grey hair on your
head. It doesn’t take much to give you a negative thought, which if you allow it, can then
turn into berating yourself and listing all the things you don’t like about yourself or what
you think you aren’t capable of.
Become familiar with what your personal triggers are, and make a list of them. By
knowing you triggers, you can then work on avoiding them the best you can. This might
be removing certain people from social media, choosing only certain times of the day to
check email, or possibly creating more space between you and toxic people in your life.
Practice Your Positive Self-Talk
You can start practicing positive self-talk every day, just one small step at a time. This
might be necessary if you have never really talked kindly to yourself. If most of the
thoughts about yourself are negative or pessimistic, then practice is what you need.
Make a list of every good thing about yourself you can think of, including personality
traits, physical appearance, skills you have learned, talents you were born with,
anything unique you do, anything you have done that makes you feel proud of yourself.
List them all, then one at a time, focus on each thing and start boosting your own ego
Every time you feel a negative thought come on, think of one of those things on your
list, and remind yourself how strong, talented, beautiful, and capable you are.
Use Positive Words of Affirmation
When all else fails, fake it! You’re not really faking it, but you are putting positive words
of affirmation into your mind so that eventually, you start to believe it. Using affirmations
is not the same thing as toxic positivity that we talked about earlier. You are not forcing
yourself to feel good about a bad situation.
Instead, you are refocusing your attention to the affirming words of encouragement,
where you simply find a way to be hopeful and accepting. Use affirmations that make
you feel good about yourself and what you can accomplish.
You can write them down in your journal, have sticky notes around your house with
affirmations, or just repeat them to yourself in your head.